A Letter that will Never Be Sent

As a Eurasian in Malaysia, I cannot expect to become the Prime Minister unless hell freezes over. There is even a special space for me in official forms labeled
“Others _________(specify)

But if I were the Prime Minister, I will send the following memo to the Customs Department.

Dear DG

It is quite disturbing to read in today’s Star of the disquiet in your department.
It appears that there is a witch-hunt for the person responsible for highlighting the farewell parties in the press.

I also note the department is going to spend RM220000 for the excellent service program cum farewell parties to be held in eight states. To my mind, any primary student can tell you that the real reason for such a tour looks highly suspicious. Has any such excellent service program ever been held before in junction with a retiring head?

It is also noted that your Deputy DG is suggesting that your men cannot do a thorough job as a result of this furore. It seems to be a subtle threat and appears that your staff has been indirectly instructed not to do their jobs properly. Perhaps all the senior staff trying to find the leak could use their energies better in making sure that all Customs staff focus on their duties and not be distracted by planning for the functions.

I would have preferred that only one function be held in KL and all states sending one or two reps to the farewell party. After all, we have other modern means to communicate like blogs, message boards and department newsletters.

A reasonable cost of any farewell function would be in the order of RM10000 for the dinner plus other related costs for transport and lodging that should not exceed RM15000.

I wish you a long and happy retirement.